Monday, June 21, 2010

Goals update!

1. finish potty training Riley- Riley is in big girl undies 100% of the time! even at night with NO accidents!
2. possibly potty train Jim- He understands where he is supposed to go when he needs to go potty
3. Teach Riley how to write her letters(0/26)- She shows interest and we have begun tracing the letters
4. do a thorough cleaning of house once a week so that it no longer gets out of control(2/49)- I failed! We got super crazy here with trying to move and I just failed.

5. set and follow a nightly routine. - We actually follow a basic schedule for the full day. So I have accomplished this.
6. Knit myself something- I'm working on a cardi as we speak..!
7. get rid of all the old clothes none of us wear. - I got rid of everything except for some of the kids clothes in their closet.
8. organize bedroom.- HA! How unrealistic of me!
9. get sewing machine, iron, ironing board, wii(2/4)- Still don't have that Wii and don't see it happening either
10. dejunk-I've gotten rid of alot but still have alot to go through
11. get jim to feed himself- For the most part, still doesn't have great control of the utensils though.

12. pick up a new craft- I'm going to start sewing which I haven't done much of in the past.
13. knit a lap blanket in a nice yarn- have yarn
14. get new glasses
15. finish Riley's first year scrapbook- I found the scrapbook I had started
16. make Jim's first year scrapbook- no progress
17. get third desktop computer set up and working- no progress

18. clean computer desk- largely decluttered mainly has paperwork on it.
19. make library bags for kids(0/2)- looking at patterns
20. make dish detergent- no progress
21. not necessarily lose weight but get into shape- Argh but I'm getting there
22. help Riley with reading- working on small word recognition
23. reupholster rocking chair and ottoman- decided on color to reupholster in otherwise no progress
24. learn how to knit cables- no progress
25. read all of Riley's Dr. Seuss and Disney books to her one a night(0/ALOT!)- She keeps choosing the same book..

26. figure out a better way to organize knitting stuff or at least get it all in one spot-all in one large tote in bedroom
27. have a date night with Steve at least once a month(2/12)- 
                    Jan- Concert
                    Feb- Valentines
                    Mar- dinner
                    April- dinner
                    May- weekend at the lake
                    June- 28. save up for a house- We have most of our down payment and are going to go apply for a mortgage in a few days!
29. Learn to knit socks.-I am half way done with my first sock!
30. Get reinvolved in Theatre. - Probably not gonna happen :(

Bad Moods, Good Drinks and Starting a Bucket List

I'm in a bad mood tonight. We're working on moving and as my good friend said I needed to get out of my apartment because I need something I can be proud of. This is such a true statement I almost died. I can't remember the last time I was proud of something that I did and I brought through. It's been all about my kids learning new things and my husband's success at work. Which is NOT a bad thing, not in the least I love my husband and kids more than anything. But I've been out of my parent's house for almost 4 years now and I have no "accomplishments" of my own to show for it. We're so crammed in our apartment that no matter how much I clean it doesn't actually look clean and that depresses me which gets me into a bad state of mind. Which gets me thinking about things....

I have several people I feel that I am good friends with but have no idea where I stand in their eyes. I don't know how to approach them about it. I feel as if I try and try and try to include them in my life and they can never show up. I try to show up to as much of their stuff as I can barring work and kids and stuff but I never seem to be invited to stuff I actually can or would make a point to attend. When I do talk to them it's because they've found out something big is going on with my life and I get stressed and I feel like I'm just bitching to them and I don't find that fair. So if you're reading this and you've figured out who you are please tell me what our relationship is to you because I am so confused and I've smugged the line so much I'm not sure where it started anymore...

Then I was cruising around facebook one day being bored( bad idea just fyi) and found a bunch of people from my high school who have done way cool things since graduating that I've never even thought about doing. Hence the starting a bucket list. Now I'm sure most of it is because I have a family that I attend to and they didn't. I've had all the same opportunities as these kids just used them is different ways. I don't regret at all having a family but I am a dreamer and my mind does wander. I really wish it didn't sometimes.

I wish I could write down everything I'm feeling but I'm such a mess right now I don't even know what it is I'm feeling. I look at people, observe them, and I wonder when they smile is it real? is it forced? or is it completely fake? I try not to fake anything and if you know me well enough  you know that. I wear my emotions on my sleeve which makes it hard. I feel like erupting in tears and I don't know why. I want to sleep all the time and I don't know why. Maybe not having the "college experience" and normal teenage life is finally catching up to me. I wanna just yell and scream and get everything from forever out. I want to be able to cry in my daddy's arms again and not be seen as the teenage mom or whatever other stereotypes people plug on me.

I am a 21 year old wife and mother of two. I am a music enthusiast, a theatre aficionado, a knitting dork and deep lover of people. I love without caution. I don't think my poor husband knows what to make of this yet. It makes being a friend of mine hard. I'm not a cleancut Stepford wife or perfect daughter or perfect mother. I have fat on my body( that my husband won't admit to), I lose my temper, sometimes I cry myself to sleep when its been a hard day, I have self confidence issues, I clean to take my mind off things.

I really think and hope that getting a bigger home for our family will help me get out of this funk. I don't like feeling confined and in this apartment that is how I feel. I can't go out as the car doesn't have working AC and staying in depresses me. My home is a mess and I have nothing I can do about it. I try so hard to help my husband but feel like my efforts are futile. I don't earn enough to make much of a difference, I clean endlessly and you can't tell. I am so lucky to have such good friends in my neighbors and I really don't know what I would do with out them. Hmmm I think I'm done now, I feel a bit better. I'm sorry for ranting and I will post my Bucket List when I have a good start on it...

Monday, June 7, 2010

Lake Trip...

First I want to say that I'm sorry I haven't written in forever. I've been stressed out with alot of things. I haven't even been knitting that much. I keep starting projects and then they just sit... 

We've gone down to our friend's farm a couple times and we really like it. We went mother's day weekend without the kids as a mother's day present to me and this last weekend we took them with us. They loved it! We went out on the boat and went swimming. They really loved the boat ride, they stood at the little gate on the pontoon boat and let the wind fly through their hair and the water hit their face. Steve and I of course got sunburnt but they didn't. Riley also caught her first fish! She caught a total of two fish, a largemouth bass and a blue gill. She was very excited about this. We spent most of Saturday blowing bubbles and chasing the dogs. I can see this as being a big thing for them as they're growing up. I remember going to the lake all the time when I was a kid and those are some of my best memories.

Riley and her blue gill with Badger(official fish inspector)


The Kids On the Boat...

Steve On the boat...

Our Friend Andy
Jim, Steve and I swimming.